Neurodivergent Meltdowns

Meltdowns are not tantrums.

Let me repeat: meltdowns ARE NOT tantrums.

So, what are they?

A neurodivergent child having a meltdown is in full survival mode. Something has happened that has triggered them so badly that their brain has turned off all thinking and moved into fight, flight, freeze or fawn. The culprit? That pesky amygdala (which we will look at more in an upcoming post).

So, what happened? Well, that really depends on the child. ND kids all have different triggers – it might be sensory overwhelm (too much light, sound, movement, people), being in an unfamiliar space that feels unsafe, too many demands, masking all day and then entering a safe space (like home – lucky for us parents).

You weather the storm and work through the meltdown and when your child is calm again you ask them what happened. And, inevitably, they say ‘I don’t remember’.

Here’s the interesting part – there is a good chance they really don’t remember what happened during the meltdown. During a meltdown the frontal lobe switches off and the amygdala lights up. But the frontal lobe has a super important job to do – it codes and stores memory. This is why often a child genuinely cannot remember what occurs in a meltdown.

As a parent I find this comforting. My children tend to become physically aggressive during meltdowns, and I know the shame they would feel would be crippling if they could truly recall some of the things that have occurred when they were in full blown survival mode.

So, meltdowns ARE NOT tantrums.